Equilibrium
by Ghislaine Emrys
Summary: Heyes and Curry go on a fishing trip but Kid struggles to overcome his doubts about the future.


**EQUILIBRIUM**

By Ghislaine Emrys

"I think we should go towards Shingle Springs," Kid said. "There's a lake once we reach the mountains that's …" He stopped talking when he saw Heyes' face.

"I thought you didn't know any fishing places around here," Heyes said suspiciously. Kid didn't answer, but looked a little guilty.

After spending a whole week in a no-name town, where no one recognized them, shot at them, or tried to arrest them, Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry had decided to reward themselves with a fishing trip**. **They'd checked out of their no-name hotel, pleased to be leaving by the front door for once, eaten breakfast, paid off the man who'd looked after their horses at the livery, and ridden out of town. When they'd reached a sign at a fork in the road that pointed left for Shingle Springs and right for Salmon Falls, they'd paused.

"Salmon Falls sounds promising. I mean, with a name like that, there's gotta be good fishing, right? At least, that's what the bartender…" Heyes stopped abruptly, realizing that he wasn't supposed to know any good fishing spots either.

Kid narrowed his eyes. Then he grinned. "Okay, what'd the bartender tell ya?"

"Uh, that Salmon Falls lives up to its name and it's only half a day's ride away," Heyes responded sheepishly.

"Uh huh," said Kid skeptically. "The waitress in the restaurant said Shingle Springs is real nice and that it was only half a day's ride away."

Heyes and Kid looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"Got a coin, Kid?"

"Yup." Kid made no move to take one out of his vest pocket.

"Aren't you gonna give it to me?"

"Nope."

"Why not? We don't got all day, you know."

"Well, Heyes," Kid began. "Whenever we flip a coin, you always win."

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not—you won once!"

"Yeah, well, that's because you let me win." Kid didn't sound too happy about it. "And look how good that turned out. I ended up in jail after that stupid job in Mexico."

"So? You still won. And I got the money back from Grace to clear you."

"Heyes," Kid sighed. "Why even bother? Just pick a direction and I'll follow."

Heyes smiled and it reached his deep brown eyes. "I know, Kid." For a moment longer Heyes sat there, as if he were mentally tossing a coin. Then he turned his horse to the right. "I know," he said so softly that Kid didn't hear him.

A little louder, Heyes said, "This way." He nudged his horse onto the road to Salmon Falls and, after a minute, Kid put his knees to his horse's flanks and caught up to Heyes.

A couple of hours later, they spotted some trees and decided to stop and rest their horses. The sun was almost overhead and Kid and Heyes were sweating and just about covered with dust. It hadn't rained recently and the dirt road didn't look to get any less dusty anytime soon. They led their horses into the meager shade, where their animals could graze on the little wisps of grass that managed to grow in the dry, sun-baked ground. Then they took their canteens and sat down, leaning against a couple of trees.

Kid took a sip of the warm water and grimaced. "I sure hope it's cooler at that river. Fishing in this heat ain't gonna be much fun."

"Why, Kid, you complaining already?" Heyes was amused. "And we're not even halfway there yet." He stretched his legs out, took a swig from his own canteen, and contemplated his best friend. It seemed that lately, Kid was always finding something to complain about. True, the past week had been okay but before that, not a day had gone by but Kid found something to moan about—the food, the liquor, the lack of money, the lack of women, the weather. Every little thing seemed to bother Kid, and Heyes hadn't been able to talk him out of his sour mood. So when he had heard there was good fishing in the area, he'd hoped that might be a restful, relaxing diversion for them both. Maybe once they were up in the mountains, smelling the fresh pine-scented air, sitting at the edge of a river with no one else around, Kid would finally tell him what was really bothering him.

"What do we have to eat?" Kid asked. He was rummaging through his saddlebags and found some beef jerky and beans. That was not his idea of a filling midday meal.

"Uh, coffee, jerky, beans, and flour," Heyes replied.

Kid stared incredulously at Heyes. "That's it? That's all you brought? What are we supposed to eat for a week?"

"Well," Heyes began, "Let's see. I was thinking we'd have coffee and biscuits for breakfast, catch some fish or shoot something for supper, and then have jerky and beans for dinner. Very healthy if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you!" Kid was not pleased at the lack of variety in their upcoming diet.

"Yes, you did. And we also have some cigars for after dinner." Heyes was glad he'd remembered to buy them; he always enjoyed a fine cigar in the evening.

"That supposed to make me feel better?" Kid demanded.

"Yeah. Does it?"

"No."

"May I remind you…"

"No, you may not."

"May I remind you," Heyes spoke more slowly this time, "that the reason for this trip is to do some fishing? We will catch fish, cook fish, eat fish. We will be in the mountains. Wild animals live in the mountains. Wild plants grow in the mountains. We will be surrounded by will not be a problem. We will not starve!"

"The problem," Kid gritted his teeth, "is that I'm hungry now! And I don't see a stream around here or any wild animals, either! But I sure could shoot something right about now!"

"You could always eat that scorpion over there," Heyes joked. "I hear it's a delicacy in some places in Africa."

Kid looked to where Heyes was pointing and saw a scorpion slowly crawling towards him. It was about two inches long and its curved tail was twitching in the air. Kid glowered at Heyes, drew his gun, and shot it. The tail soon stopped twitching.

"Feel better?" Heyes asked solicitously. "You know what? There's only enough for one person. You can have it, seeing as you shot it and all."

"Gee, thanks, Heyes." Kid's sarcasm was not lost on Heyes. "We're not in Africa and I'm not gonna eat that thing!"

Kid stood up abruptly. "Let's just go. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can have some real food." He brushed the dust from his clothes and swung up onto his horse. "Coming?"

Heyes slowly followed, thinking that seven days could turn out to be a really long time.

Gradually, the landscape changed from shades of brown to shades of green. Cactus gave way to sage bush, then to high meadows of wildflowers and finally, to mountains covered with forests of pine and spruce. The road narrowed and became rockier but it was still wide enough for two horses to ride side by side. It was late afternoon and Kid thought they should be there real soon.

"Heyes, you know where we're going?"

"Sure, Kid," Heyes replied. "Salmon Falls."

"I mean, do you know how to get there?" Kid glared at his partner. His stomach was telling him it was time to eat and his eyes were telling him it'd soon be time to stop and make camp for the night. It was certainly not time to fool around.

"Why didn't you say so? Of course I know. The bartender told me all about it, remember?" Heyes smiled mischievously. He also had a map in his saddlebag but he didn't want to tell Kid that, not if he could help it. "All we need to do is follow this road until we reach a river. Then we're there. Simple, really!"

Kid sighed in exasperation. "That's just great. We better get there soon, Heyes. I do not want to be riding in these mountains in the dark."

Heyes looked at his partner and decided to stop joking around. "Kid, listen. What do you hear?"

"I hear you acting stupid."

"Well, okay, but what else?" Heyes allowed Kid his irritation. After all, he had missed his lunch.

"Uh… Oh!" Kid looked up and saw Heyes smiling. The sound of water flowing over rocks had finally penetrated Kid's brain. "You mean this is Salmon Falls? Why didn't you say so?"

Heyes paused a moment before answering, letting his breath out in a slow but audible sigh. "I was about to, but then you got so riled up, you didn't give me a chance.

"Sorry, Heyes." Kid looked abashed. "You know how I get when I'm hungry."

"Sure, Kid. Never mind. I think if we just ride a little further, we can find a good place for a campsite. Whaddaya say, partner?"

Kid flashed him a grin and rode on ahead, eagerly anticipating the end of their journey.

After reaching the river itself and setting up their campsite, Heyes and Kid found a path down to the water. There were some flat-topped boulders at the river's edge, which would be a comfortable spot for fishing; the water wasn't moving swiftly and they could see salmon and other fish clearly.

They returned to the campsite. "You know, Heyes, I think we made a good choice to come here," Kid said, making a fishing pole as he talked. He gave Heyes a quick glance, which was ignored. "It sure looks peaceful, don't it?"

"Yeah, Kid, this is just what we needed." Heyes looked around with satisfaction. "How 'bout we get us some dinner, huh? I'll cook up some beans and you can try that out," Heyes said, nodding towards the new fishing pole.

"All right." Kid got to his feet and went down to the river. Heyes could faintly hear the plop of the fishing line as Kid repeatedly threw it in the water.

By the time Kid came back with two fish, Heyes had a fire going and the beans were ready, kept warm in the embers of the fire. Kid speared the fish with two twigs and held them above the fire, turning them over occasionally to cook evenly through. After about fifteen minutes they were done, and Kid took them and himself over to where Heyes was leaning up against his saddle.

Kid spooned some beans onto his plate and waited for Heyes to take a bite of the fish. "Well?"

"Gotta say, Kid, it's about as good as your coffee," Heyes joked.

"Guess that means it's delicious!" Kid grinned and started eating his meal. It was simple but tasty, and soon he was full. He took his plate, and Heyes', and went down to the river to wash them off. Heyes took out two cigars and he gave one to Kid when he returned.

They lit up and smoked contentedly, without feeling the need to talk. It was dusk and the nocturnal animals and insects were beginning to make their presence known. They listened to the forest sounds and heard nothing but raccoons, crickets, and other night creatures. They looked up at the stars, just beginning to be visible. Heyes and Kid welcomed the change from always looking over their shoulders, always wondering who was about to recognize them or betray them or blackmail them into doing something they didn't want to do. Up here, maybe they could actually relax for a while.

Kid sighed.

Heyes glanced at Kid but didn't say anything, waiting.

"I think I'll turn in," Kid said. "Been a long day."

Now it was Heyes' turn to sigh. So much for that idea! "I think I'll stay up a bit longer. The stars look nice tonight, don't you think?"

"Sure, Heyes, whatever you say." Kid went over and opened up his bedroll. He folded his sheepskin jacket into a pillow. He sat down and pulled off his boots, putting them on the ground to his right. Kid took off his gun belt and lay it beside him, then removed his gun from the holster and slipped it under his jacket pillow, where he could reach it quickly if need be. Then he lay down and pulled a blanket over himself. "'Night, Heyes."

"Good night, Kid. Sleep well." Heyes sat for a while longer. He located the Dog Star and the Big Dipper, turned his head and found Orion's Belt. Not for the first time, he wondered if man would ever travel to the stars. If it was possible to travel across the country by train, and circle the globe in a ship, then why not? Heyes pondered whether he would really want to do that, and decided that he had enough difficulty staying out of trouble here on Earth. He'd let some other genius think up the plan for travel to outer space.

And with that thought, Heyes got up and prepared his bedroll and as soon as his head touched his pillow, he fell asleep.

The next morning, Heyes was up first, as usual, and made coffee and biscuits. By the time Kid woke up, the sun was shining brightly. Heyes took a plate of biscuits and a cup of coffee over to Kid who, although he was awake, hadn't yet put on his gun belt or boots. Heyes sat down next to Kid and started eating his own breakfast.

"Morning, Heyes." Kid took the food proffered him. He took a small sip of the coffee and sputtered. "Sheesh! What is it with you and coffee? How hard can it be to make it right?"

"Kid, I'm in such a good mood this morning I'm just gonna ignore that," Heyes said. He glowered at Kid but the effect was spoiled because his brown eyes were sparkling with humor. "Tomorrow, you can make the coffee, okay?"

"If you don't mind waiting for it, that's fine by me," Kid told him. "Just don't expect me to get up in the dark like you." Unlike the coffee, the biscuits were good and Kid devoured three of them before speaking again. "Got any plans for today, Heyes?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. I'm gonna sit right here and read this book." Heyes held it up so Kid could see the title: Oliver Twist.

Kid snorted. "How many times you read that book, Heyes? Three? Four? Ain't you sick of it by now?" Kid just couldn't understand the attraction it held for Heyes.

"I like it, Kid. It reminds me that our lives could be a lot worse."

"Yeah, but that don't mean everything's real good, either. You know that, right?" Kid's blue eyes had turned hard and the look he gave his cousin would have given even Bill Sikes pause. He picked up his plate and took it over to the fire. Heyes had cleaned the empty bean can from the night before and filled it with water for washing. Kid scrubbed his plate clean, then threw the rest of his coffee into the trees and washed out his cup, drying both with the tail of his shirt. He took the dishes over to his saddlebag and put them inside to protect them from insects.

Kid buckled on his gun belt and checked that his gun was loaded. He stood and glared at Heyes, who was still sitting next to Kid's bedroll. "I'm going hunting. Enjoy your book." Kid stomped off.

Heyes shook his head. That went well, he thought ruefully. He picked up his book and began to read.

Kid knew his temper had gotten the better of him once again. He regretted snapping at Heyes but sometimes he just got so annoyed he couldn't help himself. Why was Heyes always so optimistic? Couldn't he see that the governor was stringing them along and had no intention of giving them the amnesty? It'd been well over a year and if anything, they were worse off now than when they'd been outlawing. At least then they could go to Devil's Hole for a roof over their heads and meals when they needed to eat. But now? Now, they never had enough money and they were lucky to sleep in a bed three nights out of seven and if they ate two square meals a day they were happy. And let's not even start with the sheriffs, posses, and bounty hunters, Kid thought to himself angrily.

What kind of life is this, anyway? Never staying in one place too long; always looking behind us, ahead of us, making sure no one recognized us. Always on the lookout, backing up Heyes in poker games in two-bit towns. I'm so tired of always having to rely on my gun to be safe. Kid's thoughts spiraled downward.

Sometimes I wish I'd never learned to fast draw. There, he'd finally admitted it! But if I'd never learned to fast draw, would Heyes have kept me with him all these years? Kid didn't think so. He didn't think Heyes needed Kid for much of anything except security. True, they were cousins and had known each other their whole lives, but he could easily have found someone smarter than Kid for a partner. But only Kid's gun could keep Heyes safe. So maybe he should be glad of his skill with a gun after all.

Kid hadn't been paying attention to where he was going and now he found himself in a small clearing. As soon as he noticed the ramshackle cabin, his gun was out, his instincts on full alert. Scanning the area intently, he could feel as well as see that no one had lived there for a long time. Nevertheless, he approached the cabin slowly, his gun still in his hand. He stepped onto the porch and with his left hand, he carefully swung the door open but there was no sound except for some small animals scurrying out of the way.

Inside, the simple wood table and two high-backed chairs were covered in a thick layer of dust, further proof that the cabin was abandoned. Kid saw a bed up against the opposite wall, the mattress full of holes from animals who'd made it their own. A shelf over the fireplace held some dented metal plates and knives and spoons. Broken bits of crockery littered the floor. The fireplace itself was filthy—ashes had blown all over and there were at least two nests where the fire would normally be.

Outside, it wasn't much better. At one time, there'd been a garden but now it was overgrown with weeds. Kid could see some red splotches among the green and yellow vines, enough to recognize them as tomatoes. Whatever else had been cultivated, Kid couldn't tell.

Continuing his investigation, Kid finally noticed the well, at some distance from the cabin. Kid walked over. The wooden cover had long since been toppled over by the wind so he figured the water would be dirty. Surprisingly, the bucket was still attached to the rope and the rope hadn't disintegrated. Kid threw the bucket into the well, heard the splash and pulled up a full pail of water. As suspected, the top was scummy but that was easily remedied. Kid cupped his hand and took a small sip of the water. It was refreshingly cool and sweet. He drank some more.

Kid took the bucket of water back to the cabin and used it to clean up one of the chairs, leaving it on the porch to dry. By this time, the sun was high in the sky. Kid knew he had to return to their campsite soon or Heyes would start to worry.

For a moment longer, Kid stood staring at the clearing. He decided not to tell Heyes what he'd found. First, he'd tidy up the cabin, weed the garden and clean up the well. When everything was fixed up real nice, he'd bring Heyes here and show him. Maybe Heyes'd be willing to stay here for a while; they could settle in for a few months and take things easy, for once. In the meantime, it'd be his secret.

Kid frowned—maybe keeping this from Heyes wasn't such a good idea. On the other hand, who said they had to tell each other everything all the time? Just this once, Kid wanted to surprise Heyes. Nothing wrong with that, was there?

Having convinced himself he was doing the right thing, Kid followed his tracks back to the camp. Along the way, he shot two rabbits. He hoped Heyes was hungry. After all, reading was hard work!

Kid gave a cheerful "Howdy, Heyes" to his partner as he walked into the camp. Heyes was sitting where Kid had left him, although Kid noticed that the fire had been banked and there was another fishing pole next to his. Heyes glanced up from his book and saw the rabbits in Kid's hand.

"Howdy, Kid. Good hunting, huh?" Kid just held up the two rabbits in response. "I told you we wouldn't starve, didn't I?" Heyes couldn't stop himself from teasing Kid.

"Yeah, Heyes." Kid sat down near Heyes and started skinning the animals. "There's a lot of small game around here."

Kid changed the subject. "What'd you do while I was gone?" He didn't want to talk too much about his morning.

Uncharacteristically, Heyes didn't notice anything different about Kid's demeanor. He'd been so caught up in his book that a posse could have totally surrounded him before he'd've realized it. He'd gulped at his carelessness and vowed to be more watchful. But soon, he was again enthralled with the exploits of the Artful Dodger and the other characters in the book. It was mid-morning and he was thirsty before he'd finally risen and cleaned up the campsite. He'd also made a fishing pole for himself, so he and Kid could fish together in the afternoon. Heyes quickly related all this to Kid.

After a supper of rabbit stew, flavored with some wild onions Heyes had found when searching for the perfect fishing pole, they stretched out on their bedrolls to digest their meal and wait out the hot mid-afternoon sun.

"Kid," Heyes ventured. "Whatcha thinkin'?"

"Not much." Kid was focused on the clouds above, drifting lazily across the sky. They don't have a care in the world, he thought. How come we can't be like that? "It's nice here," he said.

"Yeah," Heyes agreed. "You reckon the weather'll hold?"

"Hope so. Don't look like rain today, anyway." Kid sat up and looked around. "Maybe we should make a shelter, just in case."

"Kid, don't you go wishing for bad luck."

"Can't help it. Bad luck seems to follow us, or hadn't you noticed?"

"That don't mean we gotta go search for it."

"Nothing wrong with being prepared, is there?" But Kid lay back down and resumed his scrutiny of the sky.

Another hour passed in silence, each man keeping his thoughts to himself.

Heyes took out his pocket watch; the time was 4:05 in the afternoon. "Ready to go fishing?"

Kid went and got both fishing poles. He and Heyes walked down to the river, wiped some dead leaves off two boulders, sat down, and threw their lines into the water.

Within a few minutes, both had gotten bites but the fish were small and they threw them back. Kid tossed his line in again and was rewarded with a nibble. It, too, was small and he threw it back. Kid tried again and settled himself on the rock to wait.

"Heyes, you got anything yet?" Kid asked, looking over to his partner.

Heyes shook his head. "No, but I don't mind just sitting here." He wiggled his pole, trying to entice a fish to bite. "Don't have much else to do, anyway."

"Guess not. Hope we get some soon, though."

"Why, Kid? What's the rush?"

"Uh…" Kid paused and thought about it. "I guess I'm just not used to this."

"To what? Relaxing?" Heyes laughed.

"At not having to watch our backs all the time. It don't seem natural, is all."

At that, Heyes sat up and looked directly at Kid. "No, Kid, this is natural. This is the way it should be. Out there," Heyes waved his arm vaguely in the direction of the road, "out there, that's… that's not the way it's always gonna be." Heyes' eyes were filled with confidence. "Someday, we're gonna get that amnesty; I know we will."

"Maybe." Kid turned away. He didn't want to continue this conversation. They'd had it before and it'd always ended up the same. Heyes said they'd get their amnesty and Kid wasn't so sure. Kid shifted himself on his boulder and stared intently at the river, as if his piercing blue eyes were magnets that could simply pull a fish onto his line.

Kid knew Heyes was watching him. He ignored him and threw his line back into the river. After a while, Kid heard Heyes sigh and do the same with his line.

"I got one!" Heyes was on his knees as he pulled the fish in. He jerked his pole and the fish came flying out of the water. He hit it on its head and put it down next to him on his rock. "Must be about four pounds," he said, grinning with delight. "That'll keep us fed for a while! Now it's your turn, Kid."

Kid threw the line farther out towards the middle of the river this time. He didn't have to wait too long. He felt a tug on his line and carefully pulled the fish in.

"I think we got enough, don't you?" Kid asked. "We haven't seen any bears and I want to keep it that way."

The two men picked up their fishing poles and their dinner and returned to their camp. After a hearty meal, they turned in.

The next few days settled into a routine. Kid made coffee, Heyes made biscuits. After breakfast, Heyes read his book while Kid wandered off into the forest to hunt. Kid always took a roundabout way to the cabin but Heyes was so taken with his book, Kid didn't think Heyes had any idea where he went. When Kid returned around noontime, they cooked the meat Kid brought and, afterwards, relaxed for a couple hours before heading down to the river to fish. The weather was good, there was no sign of other people, and Heyes and Kid finally began to enjoy themselves.

On the fifth day, Kid figured he was just about finished repairing the cabin. He'd swept out the interior as well as the porch, and washed down the table and chairs. The broken crockery and ashes were gone and replaced by wood Kid had chopped, which was now piled neatly beside the fireplace. The plates and silverware on the shelf were clean, and the bed had been stripped of its ruined mattress. He'd also weeded the garden and washed the cover of the well. All that was left was to make something so the cover wouldn't get blown away by the wind or pushed off by some animal nosing around.

Kid took a break and sat on one of the chairs he'd left on the porch. Maybe he'd build a railing so he could put his feet up. That would just about make it perfect, he thought. He dipped his bandana in a can of water, having smuggled a few empty bean cans over to the cabin, and mopped his face. It sure was quiet, pleasant, peaceful.

The serenity of the place lulled him into a nap. Kid awoke suddenly. He remembered where he was when he saw a deer sniffing noisily around the garden. Slowly, he reached for his gun, not wanting to startle the animal. He aimed and … didn't fire. The deer bounded off into the forest. Slowly, he lowered his arm.

Kid shook his head. What'd just happened? He'd had a clear shot, so why hadn't he taken it? Yeah, carrying the animal back to the campsite would make him late and Heyes would probably flatten him for making him worry. But Heyes would've gotten over that, especially as they relaxed over a dinner of venison. So why hadn't he killed the deer?

Kid sat in the chair and thought some more. The deer had just been standing there, not bothering anyone or anything. It had done nothing to justify being shot. Wasn't right to shoot a defenseless animal, just like it wasn't right to draw on a man who couldn't shoot as well as him.

Wait a minute! What was he thinking? He was a gunman, a gunslinger. That's what everyone said. Well, not Heyes, but he didn't count. People like Kid didn't think twice about shooting their guns off. That was their job, to shoot.

Kid was tired of his reputation as the fastest gun in the West. No matter that he always tried to avoid having to draw, that he never wanted to kill anyone and was always sick after he had. Kid had a reputation so he had to keep practicing or else the next time someone called him out, he might end up dead.

And if that did happen, then what? Heyes would be grief-stricken, but he'd eventually get over it. He'd get the amnesty; probably a lot faster, too, with Kid not around anymore. Then Heyes could live a normal life-settle down somewhere, get married, have kids. Gradually, Kid would fade from his mind until he was just another memory from his long-ago past.

At least, Kid thought, he wouldn't have to pretend anymore. He wouldn't have to get up every day and act as if the only thing that mattered was being able to shoot straight and shoot fast.

This amnesty thing was killing him. He'd never had thoughts like these before they'd decided to go for the amnesty. Now, he couldn't get them out of his mind.

Kid could never let Heyes know he was sick and tired of them depending on his gun for survival. He couldn't let his partner down. Heyes had taken care of Kid when he needed it; now it was Kid's turn to take care of Heyes.

They'd gone straight, but even when they were living honest lives they kept running into problems and, well, they just had to keep running. And he kept on having to use his gun to save them. It was never going to end.

Kid looked at the garden again, now devoid of any animal presence. He grunted and got to his feet. He was still brooding when he trudged back into camp.

Heyes was angry. He was also worried. Kid was late and he had no idea where he was. Anything could have happened and it could be days before he found out. He was pacing back and forth near their horses, when he finally saw Kid return.

"Where have you been?" Heyes demanded. In his relief at Kid's safe return, Heyes spoke more sharply than he'd intended. "And where's lunch?"

"Been busy." Kid didn't look at Heyes as he walked past him towards the fire and sat down.

"Doing what? Not hunting, that's for sure."

"Oh." Kid looked as if he'd just realized he hadn't brought back any meat. "Sorry."

"Sorry? That's it? That's all you're gonna say?"

"Uh, I'll cook up some beans and biscuits, catch some fish for later."

"Kid, I don't care about the food. It's been hours and…"

"I'm sorry I worried you, Heyes. Everything's fine," Kid lied.

"No, Kid, it's not." Heyes went over and sat down near Kid. He stared at his cousin, until Kid met his penetrating gaze. Kid tried to stare him down but he dropped his eyes first.

"It's nothing, Heyes. Leave it." Kid started to build up the fire.

"I ain't leaving it!" Heyes spoke vehemently. "You're my partner and I want to know what's gotten into you!"

"Ain't nothing you can do. Let it go," Kid said quietly.

Heyes stood up without another word and went back to the log where he'd been sitting earlier. He picked up his book, opened it at random and began to read. Every few minutes, Heyes surreptitiously looked over at Kid, who was still sitting by the fire, just staring into the flames.

Half an hour later, Kid took his fishing pole down to the river. Heyes thought it best not to join him.

When Kid came back with two salmon, he roasted them over the fire. Heyes made the beans and biscuits. They ate silently.

After, Kid lay back on his bedroll and looked up. The sky was clear, no clouds to distract him today. He closed his eyes. Maybe if he took a nap, he could clear his mind, though he wasn't really tired since he'd already napped at the cabin.

Kid sat up. He'd go down to the river. He'd go swimming, maybe wash his clothes. They sure could use a washing after all the work he'd been doing. Maybe he could wash away his thoughts as well, he smiled to himself grimly.

"I'm gonna wash down at the river, Heyes." Kid took his second pair of pants and a bar of soap from his saddlebag and followed the path to the water.

"Okay, Kid," Heyes whispered to his back, as he watched his friend walk away.

When Kid reached the river, he first took off his boots, then his gun belt, laying them on a boulder where water wouldn't reach them. He took off his sweat-stained red shirt and his Henley, grimacing slightly at their smell. Standing in the water at the river's edge, he soaked the clothes and lathered them up with the soap he'd brought. Slapping them against another rock, he could see the dirt oozing out of each shirt. He dipped the clothes in the water and kneaded them again. Dirt was still leaching out but less than before. Again he dipped the clothes in the river and again he kneaded them. When he was satisfied they were clean enough, he rinsed each shirt separately in the river and then spread them over some bushes to dry.

He repeated the process with his pants and long johns. With each slap against the rock, Kid felt some of his anguish slide away. Slap—he had chosen to learn how to fast draw. Slap—he was proud of his skill with a gun. Slap—he was glad he could protect Heyes. Slap—they were going straight now, making up for their earlier evil ways. Slap—Maybe they'd get the amnesty after all. Slap—their lives weren't so bad, they had each other, they were family, nothing else mattered. Kid finished washing his clothes and laid them out to dry.

He went back to the riverbank and walked carefully into the water. It was a little rocky but not so much that he couldn't keep his balance. Kid submerged himself and came back up refreshed. The water was cool on his body; it made him feel alive, alert, reminded him he had things to be grateful for.

Kid soaped himself thoroughly, and rinsed off. He washed his hair, the dust from the road and the cabin leaching out, leaving it blond again. He felt good. He floated on his back, drifting aimlessly in the slight current. There were clouds this afternoon and they seemed friendlier, not smiling down at him in pity like they had the other day.

He swam back to where he'd left his clothes when he realized the current had carried him downriver and pushed him close to the opposite riverbank. He climbed up on the boulder with his gun and boots and sat there, letting the sun dry him. He dressed himself in his dry pants, strapped on his gun belt, and pulled his boots on. Then he gathered up his clothes, still wet, and went back to the campsite.

Heyes warily watched Kid return. He could tell Kid was in a better mood by the way he walked up the trail from the river. Kid had trudged down the path, carrying not only a pair of pants on his shoulders but seemingly all the troubles of the world as well. But now he came back with a lighter air about him and Heyes was relieved**.**

"Sorry, Heyes," Kid said as he spread his clothes on some bushes near the fire so they'd dry faster.

"For what, Kid?" Heyes tried to make amends. "I shouldn't have been so proddy."

Kid had an idea. "Hey, how about you read me some of that book? You at an exciting part?" He knew Heyes enjoyed sharing his books with Kid, when Kid let him.

"Sure, Kid." Heyes' face brightened. He picked up the book and started reading. Kid sat back and listened, giving his best attention to the story. It's really not that bad, he thought.

Heyes read for a while, then closed the book at a particularly thrilling moment. "I think that's enough for today," he said, smiling wickedly.

"Heyes! You can't do that!"

"Do what, Kid?" Heyes turned an innocent face towards his partner.

Kid stared at his cousin. "That. You can't stop in the middle like that!"

"Why not?"

"You know why not! It ain't fair! How am I gonna know how it ends?"

"Guess you'll just have to read the rest yourself, Kid."

"No, Heyes, I don't think so. I think you will have to read the rest. Out loud. To me."

"Sure, Kid, whatever you say." Heyes grinned.

"Thanks, Heyes, sure do appreciate that," Kid retorted. Then Kid smiled, letting Heyes know that he knew exactly what was going on and that it was okay.

Kid got up and wandered around the edge of their camp, searching the ground. He picked up some fallen branches, using his knife to fashion them into targets. He spread them out on the log he'd set up their second day there and backed away.

Heyes shut his book and came over to watch. He always enjoyed seeing Kid demonstrate his prowess with his gun. Kid stood facing the log and Heyes stood off to the side, between Kid and the log.

Kid closed his eyes for an instant, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. In rapid succession, he fired six shots. Kid walked over and put the targets back on the log. He didn't have to check to know they'd all hit their target dead center.

Heyes narrowed his eyes. Something was wrong. Kid never needed to prepare himself. That was why he was so successful. No one could ever tell when he was about to make his move. One moment his hand was at his side, the next his gun was in his hand pointing at his opponent. Heyes walked away, pondering what he had just seen.

Kid continued practicing. His mind went blank before each round. Eventually, he was satisfied with the results. When he turned around, he was just in time to see Heyes go down to the river.

Suddenly, Kid caught a glimpse of a small animal in the forest. Without hesitating, he whirled around and let off a shot. He walked over and picked up the possum. Heyes'll be happy, he thought. He took the animal over to the fire pit, skinned it, and put it in a pot of water to boil slowly.

As Heyes washed his dirty clothes, he considered Kid's behavior. He couldn't figure out why Kid had paused before shooting.

Clothes done and drying on bushes, Heyes then dove into the river and scrubbed himself clean. He emerged dripping and refreshed, and continued to think about his cousin's behavior. Heyes began to think it had something to do with his gun. He knew he'd never completely understand what Kid went through when he drew on a man, but suffer he did. Heyes could only back him up the best way he knew how, by being there at his side. That's all he could do now, too.

Heyes had just finished dressing and was sitting on a boulder deep in thought when Kid appeared.

"Got us a possum for dinner," Kid told him.

"Huh? Oh, that's nice."

"I know it's not the most tasty thing but at least it's meat."

"Kid, I like possum. You know that."

"Yeah, guess you do. I'm the one not too fond of it," he sighed.

"Tell you what, Kid. I'll cook it and you just sit back and enjoy it. Whaddaya say?"

"Fine by me, Heyes! You go right ahead and sweat all you want by that fire. It's already in the pot."

"Hey, we're gonna have stew? Thanks, Kid. That means I don't need to be there watching it the whole time!"

"Whatever you say, Heyes. Figures you'd find the easiest way to cook dinner!"

"You know me—as little work as possible!"

Kid laughed. "Right. But how about you get us some watercress from over there," he pointed to the plants growing nearby, "and some of those onions you found the other day. And I think I saw some mushrooms over by the horses. That'll make it real tasty."

"Your wish is my command, sir," Heyes said mockingly.

"Oh, really?" Kid needed only a moment to take advantage of this opportunity. "In that case, you can also…hmm…let's see…" He paused to consider what he should ask for. "You can … you can wash everything afterwards. Then you can take care of my horse for me and then you can…" Kid grinned triumphantly. "You can read me some more of that book! You know no one else'd listen to you going on and on about it, so that makes me the best partner you could have, Heyes."

Heyes smiled. "Can't argue with that, now, can I?" Kid was startled but Heyes' brown eyes revealed his sincerity. Heyes got off his boulder and started gathering some watercress.

After dinner, which Kid had to admit was pretty tasty, Heyes took out his book and read. Kid made him read for quite a while but Heyes was secretly pleased that Kid was enjoying the story so much. When he couldn't see anymore, they both went to bed and slept soundly under the stars.

The next day, breakfast eaten and the dishes cleaned, Kid hesitated as he was getting ready to go off into the forest. He turned and looked at Heyes, who was busily doing nothing in particular. Kid made up his mind.

"Uh, Heyes," Kid began. "I was wondering…"

Heyes glanced over at Kid, who was hovering nearby. "Yeah, Kid?"

"Uh, you busy this morning? 'Cause if you aren't, maybe you'd like to come along with me today? I mean, only if you don't got nothing better to do," Kid finished in a rush.

"Sure, Kid. Nothing that can't wait," Heyes replied, pleased that Kid had asked him and curious as to what Kid was up to.

They were silent as they walked through the forest and it didn't take Heyes long to realize that Kid had a destination in mind. Kid stopped when they came upon the cabin in the clearing.

Heyes looked around him. "What's this?" he asked.

"I found it," Kid responded.

Heyes continued to stare at the well-kept cabin and neatly tended garden. "Who lives here? Do they know what you've done?"

Kid shook his head. "No, it was abandoned when I found it. No one's been around for a long time, Heyes." He walked up to the porch and sat down in one of the chairs. Heyes joined him and sat in the second chair.

"So this is what you've been doing all this time? Fixing it up?" He hadn't even looked inside yet but he could tell Kid had worked hard. "Why, Kid?"

"Just felt like it. Was something to do, is all." Kid didn't look at his cousin as he spoke.

"Sure looks nice. What's inside?" Without waiting for an answer, Heyes opened the front door and went in. He whistled softly as he took in the clean table, the comfy-looking bed, the dishes and fireplace all ready for use.

He sat down again next to his cousin, who was looking straight ahead into the distance. Leaning back in his chair, Heyes repeated his question. "Why, Kid?'

Kid was silent for such a long time, Heyes thought he wasn't going to answer.

Without turning his head, Kid said, "You ever think about dying, Heyes?"

"What? What kind of question is that?" It came out louder than Heyes intended.

Kid shrugged. "Never mind." He didn't meet Heyes' eyes.

Heyes regarded Kid thoughtfully as he answered. "Course I've thought about it. Every time we get chased by a posse, or a bounty hunter comes after us, I think about it. Every time Big Mac gives us a job, I think about it."

Kid sighed. Heyes waited for him to say more. "That's not what I mean," Kid finally said.

"Well, what then?"

"I just," Kid hesitated. "Sometimes I think things'd be better if I was dead." He got out the last words so quickly Heyes wasn't sure he'd heard right. A glance at Kid's face told him he had.

"If that's what happens when you start thinking, you better stop right now!" Heyes moved his chair so he was facing Kid. "What brought this on?" he asked carefully.

"Heyes, I'm tired. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of not having any money. I'm tired of being cold, dirty, and hungry. I'm just…tired." Kid shook his head and looked up. "And," he started, then stopped.

"And what, Kid?"

"And I thought maybe we could hole up here for a while. We could go back to town and pick up some supplies, then stay up here a few months. We'd be safe here."

Heyes considered the idea. It had its merits. "Could work. But won't you get bored doing nothing?" He smiled as he asked the question.

"No," Kid replied softly. "No, I wouldn't. It'd be good, not having to worry."

"Kid, you know I like it when you worry. Helps me stay alive!"

Kid turned a pair of blue eyes filled with sadness towards his partner. "Did you ever think that maybe…" Kid stopped. He didn't know how to say it.

"Think what?"

"Nothing."

"What?" Heyes repeated.

"Maybe I'm tired of that, too."

Heyes wasn't sure what Kid meant. "Tired of what?"

"Tired of…" It was obvious Kid was struggling with what to say. "Of having to use my gun to keep you safe," he said. "It's not that I don't want to back you up," he rushed on, "it's just that sometimes I wish it didn't always have to be with my gun."

"Ahh," Heyes nodded. It was all beginning to make sense. "Kid, I know it's hard now, but I promise it'll get better. We will get the amnesty. No, let me finish," Heyes said, as Kid opened his mouth to interrupt him. "And you're gonna be with me to enjoy it when we do. Nothing is gonna happen to change that," he ended forcefully.

"You'd be better off if I wasn't around. You'd get the amnesty a lot faster." Kid couldn't bring himself to look at Heyes as he said that.

Heyes shook his head. "No, you don't know that. And it don't matter. You're my cousin and my partner. We're doing this together, Kid. It don't matter how long it takes. I can't do it without you and I don't want to do it without you."

Kid looked at Heyes and Heyes saw fog overwhelming the sky-blue eyes of his friend. He had never seen Kid look so sad before, except that day in Kansas when they had lost their families. "I don't think I can, Heyes."

"Yes, you can. You have to. It wouldn't mean anything to me if I couldn't share it with you."

"It's my gun you need, Heyes, not me."

"That's not true, Kid, and you know it."

"Don't matter. I can't do it any more. I just can't. I'm sorry, Heyes." Kid stood up and started to walk away.

Heyes got up and went after Kid. "Kid, stop. Stop," he repeated as Kid ignored him. He caught up and, wrapping his arm around Kid's shoulder, steered him back to the chairs on the porch.

"Okay, you're tired. You need a break. Fine. We'll spend some time here and rest up." Heyes spoke reassuringly. "You'll feel better when you're not so tired."

Kid shook his head and said angrily, "Don't you get it, Heyes? We've been up here almost a week already, and it's not any better." He whispered his confession. "I couldn't even shoot a deer the other day."

"What are you really afraid of, Kid?"

"I told you," he said despondently.

"No, you didn't. You're just feeling sorry for yourself. Well, you have every right to feel bad. You had to grow up real fast, and then I forced you into a life of crime." Heyes paused as he gathered his thoughts to speak persuasively. "But you're the one who wanted to learn how to use a gun and you're the one who got real good at it. You made that choice and I gotta tell you, I am real glad you did. Because I could never, ever, have been leader of the gang without you to back me up. Do you understand that? Do you?" Heyes felt like he wanted to shake some sense into Kid, but he knew that wouldn't help the situation.

Kid shrugged. "You didn't force me into a life of crime, Heyes."

Heyes continued talking, trying to convince Kid to see things his way. "Kid, think about all the things you did when we were robbing banks and trains."

"Thought you told me to stop thinking!" A spark of humor momentarily appeared in Kid's eyes.

"Yeah, well, I'm making an exception for you now. I can't remember exactly what you did but you must've done something to earn a $10,000 bounty on your head." Heyes tossed a quizzical look at his partner.

Kid stared fixedly at Heyes. "You know very well what I did, Heyes. I made sure the gang followed your plans. I told them what jobs they had to do. I was the one who made sure we all got back to Devil's Hole safely."

"Oh, is that all?" Heyes goaded his partner.

"No, that's not all!" Kid said sharply. "I listened to all those plans of yours and I helped make them better! Yeah, you had great ideas," Kid ignored Heyes' immodest grin, "but I was the one who saw the problems and figured out the solutions."

"That's right, Kid, you did all that, and we'd've been caught a long time ago and be in prison right now if you hadn't been so good at it."

Kid was silent. "But none of that matters now, Heyes. We're not robbing any more," he pointed out.

"So that's it, isn't it?"

"What?"

"You're afraid of what's going to happen after we get the amnesty. You're afraid that you won't be able to find work because you think the only thing you can do is use your gun."

"That's the truth, ain't it?"

"No, it's not. Didn't we just get that settled?" Heyes was somewhat exasperated that Kid still didn't get it. Evidently his silver tongue needed to be a bit more polished for his partner. "Kid, you have a lot of other skills and you can use them for anything!"

"Like what?" Heyes was relieved. Kid was listening.

"Any kind of job! Look, you can organize people and get them to follow directions. You can explain things clearly to people. You can take an idea, see its weaknesses, and find solutions. You can make sure a plan gets done smoothly and safely. Kid, not everyone can do those things." Heyes hoped he had convinced Kid.

Kid looked thoughtful. "I guess."

"Kid, believe me, when we get the amnesty, there'll be plenty of jobs for both of us. If you need to use your gun, well then, it's a good thing you are so good with it. But you might get a job that doesn't need a gun. And you'll be good at that, too. You'll be good at whatever you do."

"You really think so, Heyes?" Kid still wasn't sure.

But Heyes was adamant. "Yes," he said simply. "And another thing. We'll still be partners. You can't get rid of me that easily, you hear?"

Kid let Heyes' eyes, intensely dark with emotion, finally persuade him. "All right."

Heyes looked at Kid and thought some of the clouds in his eyes were gone. He stood up.

"Now," Heyes said briskly, "how about we catch us some lunch? All that talking's made me hungry."

Kid managed a wry laugh, as Heyes knew he would. "You know me, Heyes, I'm always ready to eat!" Kid got up and, feeling more lighthearted than he had felt in a long time, followed his partner and best friend into the woods.

They came upon a brace of pheasant and Kid let Heyes take the first shot. Roasting the birds over their fire, they ate them with biscuits Heyes quickly made. The food was delicious and after cleaning up, they stretched out on their bedrolls.

"Heyes, how about reading some more of that book?" Kid was on his back, hands behind his head, gazing up at the deep blue sky that held only a few wisps of clouds.

"Sure, Kid." Heyes rolled on to his side, looked at him and couldn't resist adding, "It's not that bad after all, is it?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far."

"Oh, how far would you go, Kid?"

"Oh, I dunno. It's better than some of that other stuff you've read but I still think the dime novels are more exciting."

"Well, you shoulda brought one of them with you, then, huh!"

"Nah. I knew you'd bring a book with you. I didn't want to disappoint you by not giving you the chance to read out loud." Kid added slyly, "I know how much you like hearing the sound of your own voice."

"What's wrong with the sound of my voice?" Heyes pretended to be insulted.

"Nothing, Heyes. But when it's the only one a body hears for a week, it can get downright annoying."

"Hey, you're the one who asked me to read out loud! Fine, then; find your own book to read!" Heyes turned his back to Kid and acted like he was reading silently, but he was having a hard time controlling his laughter.

"Heyes," Kid began, speaking as if to a child. "Turn around and start reading. Out loud." He knew Heyes was just waiting for him to ask.

"What, Kid? I didn't hear you."

'I said, start reading."

"Still can't hear you." Heyes decided to force Kid into saying it.

Kid groaned. "Aw come on, Heyes. You really want me to say it?"

"Yeah, Kid, I really want you to say it." Heyes was grinning openly at him now.

"You're a little weird sometimes, you know that? All right." Kid sighed loudly, then spoke in a sing-song voice, "Please, Heyes, may I have some more?" He paused. "There, satisfied?"

"Why, sure, Kid. All you had to do was ask!" Heyes finally burst out laughing and Kid, after glaring at him for a moment, joined in.

They looked with amusement at each other, and settled back to enjoy the rest of the day.

The next morning they ate their last breakfast at the campsite. Kid made the coffee and Heyes made pancakes instead of biscuits, both men having tired of eating biscuits for six days straight. They packed up everything and got ready to leave.

"Kid, you still want to use that cabin for a while?"

Kid was thoughtful. "Yeah, Heyes, I think I do."

"Okay. We'll need to pick up some supplies. Food, probably some tools. What else?" Heyes looked to Kid for suggestions.

"A couple of buckets for the well would be good. Then we wouldn't have to go to the river so often to wash."

"Good idea," Heyes nodded approvingly. "And this time, we can bring a few bottles of whisky as well as cigars. I can't believe we forgot the whisky!"

"I didn't forget it," Kid said.

Heyes looked at him. "What? You were hiding it? Why?"

Kid shook his head. "No, Heyes. I just wasn't in the mood before, that's all."

"But you are now, right?" Heyes asked.

"Yeah," Kid reassured him. "Everything's okay." Even if that wasn't completely true yet, with Heyes there to balance him, he knew it would be.


End file.
